Just as the former Soviet Union banished its dissidents to the Siberian gulags, so, too, did the Vatican exile its freethinking clergy to settings where they would cause minimal disruption among its faithful. Such was the case with Brother Costello, whose natural curiosity led him to question all matters, even what the Church considered to be established doctrine. In his case, the Church not only exiled him to a remote cloister in rural Ireland, but also promoted him to the position of abbot. This particular monastery experienced considerable tension among its monks, and the Church establishment apparently intended to give Brother Costello a taste of his own medicine with his new assignment.
When the new abbot arrived at his post, he found the monastery in total disarray, with its few remaining residents constantly bickering. After a few weeks of trying to achieve harmony among the friars, the new abbot was at his wits’ end. Still, he needed to address the crisis at hand, and the monks’ rancor interfered with his clarity of judgment and ability to devise a strategy. It was at this point that the abbot imposed an overnight silent retreat upon his subordinates, if only to allow him a brief reprieve from the chaos.
The Retreat
On the evening of the retreat, Abbot Costello had the monks, Brothers Thomas, Paul, Sean, Michael, Richard, and Patrick, sit in a small circle in the chapel, facing inward. The retreat was to begin at dusk, with silence imposed upon the monks until dawn. He began the event by lighting a candle, which he placed at the center of the circle. He then got up from his seat, indicating that he would return at sunrise.
The retreat was rather uneventful for the first several hours, until the candle burned itself out, plunging the chapel into total darkness. This had an unsettling effect on the monks, who became quite squirmy and fidgety. Finally, Brother Thomas could stand it no more, breaking the restless silence, “Brother Paul, go get another candle and light it – I can’t stand the darkness!”
Brother Paul fired back, “Go get it yourself, if you can’t stand it – I’m not your servant!”
Then, without a moment’s hesitation, Brother Sean blurted out, “Brothers, we’re supposed to keep quiet!”
Then Brother Michael chastised them, “You losers can’t even keep your mouths shut for a few hours! Now you’ve messed things up for all of us.”
Brother Richard quickly countered, “Not if we keep quiet about it. We don’t have to tell on ourselves.”
Brother Patrick was feeling rather smug at this point, as he was the only monk who had kept his silence. Still, he was rather miffed that the other brothers apparently didn’t realize this. “Hey, don’t include me in this – I’m the only one who hasn’t talked.”
This exchange transpired in a matter of minutes, after which they said not another word until dawn. Still, it was a rather noisy silence, as they all mulled over in their heads the blame for disturbing the peace. The remaining hours until sunrise seemed to drag on forever.
The Review
When Abbot Costello returned at dawn, he sat down in the empty seat and asked them how the retreat went. All hung their heads and no one spoke up. At this point, the abbot realized that extracting any confessions from them would be counterproductive. “Very well, then, we can start the second part of the retreat. Even though you’ve remained silent, I trust that you have all had your meditations disrupted by intrusive thoughts, even if you haven’t spoken them out loud. Or do we have any living saints among us who weren’t bothered by disruptive thoughts?”
Still, the monks remained silent. Perhaps they considered the question rhetorical, but more likely they suspected it a trick question.
“Very well, then, we’ll proceed. It really makes little difference whether you’ve spoken your thoughts out loud or kept them to yourselves. In a way, though, it’s unfortunate that you kept your silence, as speaking your concerns out loud would have highlighted the more troubling challenges to your serenity. So who would like to start us out by sharing the thoughts that disrupted your tranquility?” The monks’ silence continued, yet the abbot remained patient, waiting out the monks until they could no longer stand the tension.
The Reckoning
Finally, Brother Sean spoke up, stating how it was quite upsetting to him when others could not or would not obey the rules and guidelines. The other monks glared at him for implicating their breach of silence with his admission. The abbot ignored the implied accusation, instead directing his curiosity toward how Brother Sean developed this obsession with unquestioning obedience. Brother Sean explained how his parents were quite strict with their rules and severe with their punishments. Thus, he learned to obey the letter of the law and to become quite anxious when his brothers and sisters broke the rules.
Abbot Costello reflected upon this, only commenting, “Interesting.”
Soon, Brother Richard chimed in, noting his having had similar parents and rather unruly siblings. He noted how his parents had punished all the children when anyone got into trouble. While he could not control his siblings, he encouraged them to be sneaky, in order to escape detection. He recognized how he developed a habit of “playing with his cards close to his vest”, such that he was wary of revealing too much of himself.
Abbot Costello considered this, then commented, “Interesting.”
Next, Brother Michael related his similar experiences with parents who were quite demanding and critical. Thus, he learned that he could never do anything adequately. Michael had decided that the best defense is a good offense, and his parents were excellent role models for this. Thus, he learned to be highly critical, with both himself and others. He noted how he often caught himself being just like his parents in his judgmentalism, a trait he despised in himself.
Abbot Costello pondered this, then commented, “Interesting.”
Brother Thomas then noted how his family background was chaotic and at times even violent. He described how his parents often fought over the kids. As the oldest, Thomas tried to impose order on his younger siblings to keep them from upsetting their parents. He acknowledged his bossiness, but had felt it justified in order to keep the peace.
Abbot Costello thought about this, then commented, “Interesting.”
Brother Paul shared how he could relate to Brother Thomas’s family situation, though from the standpoint of the youngest child. As a child, he had resented his older brothers for bossing him around. This developed into a gnawing resentment toward elders and authorities.
Abbot Costello contemplated on this, then commented, “Interesting.”
All the monks had spoken, except for Brother Patrick, who appeared deep in thought. He then admitted how he, an only child, had difficulty relating to the others’ stories. Furthermore, his mother teaching him at home allowed only limited contact with his peers. Patrick felt rather awkward interacting with other children, who often teased him for his lack of social graces. The young boy heeded his mother’s counsel, that he was special and others were simply envious of him. Thus, he learned to discount others, if not outright ignore them.
Abbot Costello meditated on this, then commented, along with the chorus of the other brothers, “Interesting.”
The abbot then shared his opinion that the brothers had made good use of their silent retreat. He noted, though, that the larger challenge lay ahead of them. One particular goal is to keep the lessons fresh in their mind. A second task is to apply this understanding to their relationships with one another. The brothers agreed to continue with the retreats and to apply the new insights about themselves and each other to their daily lives.
The Issue of Darkness
Before adjourning, the abbot noted a key feature of the retreat that the brothers had not addressed. He asked the monks about their reactions to darkness when the candle went out. The brothers were rather wary of this inquiry, as they had not mentioned it in their discussions. Still, the experience had been so unsettling that they decided that it deserved further attention. This unfinished business also allows us to explore the meaning of the darkness for ourselves.
The above story is an embellishment and Westernization of a popular Zen parable. The original can easily be found on the internet by googling “Learning to Be Silent parable.”