What Does It Mean?

On first glance, our First Lady’s “Be Best” campaign appears straightforward and noncontroversial, even if grammatically awkward. My critique, though, is not so much one of grammar, as of meaning. A single word could clear this up. Does she call upon us to “be our best” or to “be the best”? Though a subtle distinction, the implications can be major. Whereas both appeal to our sense of self-worth, the former promotes intrinsic self-esteem, while the latter supports conditional self-esteem. Since these terms are likely unfamiliar to many, this calls for further explanation.

Intrinsic Self-Esteem

Intrinsic self-esteem is based on the notion that we all have basic self-worth, regardless of our status in life or achievements. Our Declaration of Independence affirms this in stating that “all men are created equal,” as long as we interpret “all men” as “all people.” Colloquially, it is expressed in the bumper-sticker slogan, “God don’t make no junk.” The call to “be our best” means living up to our potential, whatever that may be.

Conditional Self-Esteem

In contrast, conditional self-esteem refers to feeling good about ourselves based upon our attributes and achievements. Here, the standards are relative, based upon how we compare with others. That comparison might be in terms of intelligence, attractiveness, dominance, achievement, or some other criteria. This version of self-worth is rather transient. As salesmen say, “You’re only as good as your last sale.” In its extreme, winning becomes everything. Unfortunately, for every winner, there is at least one loser, if not more. To “be the best” means to be better than all the rest. For example, each year only one team is Superbowl champion, versus 31 teams who lost along the way. When self-esteem is primarily conditional, “loser” is a loaded term: even achieving your personal best is not good enough.

In Praise of Intrinsic Self-Esteem

Thus, I am endorsing intrinsic self-esteem as the better foundation for achieving our sense of value. First, it is a more stable source of self-worth, less susceptible to disappointment and loss. Second, when firmly established, it depends somewhat less on the ongoing support of others. Relying on our own self-assessment reduces our vulnerability to critics, naysayers and bullies. Even so, the encouragement of our supporters can be quite helpful. This addresses the central concern of our First Lady’s initiative against bullying. Third, when we fall short, we can still console ourselves with the notion that we gave it our best shot. This view is reinforced when we commit ourselves to learning from our mistakes. And fourth, practicing intrinsic self-esteem encourages cooperation over competition, allowing us to tap into the power of teamwork.

Putting Conditional Self-Esteem in Perspective

In making the above argument, though, I am not saying that conditional self-esteem is all bad. In fact, with a basic foundation in intrinsic self-esteem, conditional self-esteem augments our motivation to achieve our goals. The call to be our best means living up to our potential, whatever that may be. When runners compete by this standard, they are just as interested in achieving their personal best as in winning.

Summary

Hopefully, I have presented a persuasive argument supporting intrinsic self-esteem. Conditional self-worth and competition still have their place and can motivate us for achievement, yet require a basic foundation in intrinsic self-worth to function effectively. Otherwise, the struggle will be all about winning and losing, and the particular issues at stake in the conflict will get lost in the shuffle. And when each side effectively blocks the other side from winning, both sides lose.

Recommendations

With the above considerations about self-worth, I recommend a subtle modification to the “Be Best” campaign: “Be Our Best.” (I had initially supported “Be Your Best,” but later decided that this is more of a team project.) I would encourage our First Lady to modify her slogan to clarify her meaning. I could be wrong, but I assume that her intended meaning is closer to “be our best” than to “be the best.”

Benefits of Updating the Slogan

By revising the motto our First Lady would be modeling healthy self-assertion, provided she remains true to her convictions. That might involve calling me out on my unsolicited feedback, should she find it impudent or disagree with it. Or she might challenge her husband on his excessive emphasis on winning. She could point out how it defines others as losers and divides our country. Her tactfulness in doing so would demonstrate that assertion does not imply disrespect or bullying of others. Furthermore, the modification would convey the message that the pursuit of our ideals is an ongoing challenge, one achieved through successive approximations. It might even help revitalize her campaign by enlisting more support, as the project has been rather silent lately.

A Caveat

I temper my presumptuous suggestion by acknowledging that I have no inside scoop on Melania Trump’s situation as First Lady. Her “Be Best” slogan might be the best she can achieve, given the current political climate. Since we can only do our best, by definition that is good enough. Of course, we can always work at enhancing our best through understanding and practice. In any event, it has presented a springboard for me to promote my views on self-worth, hopefully without disrespecting our First Lady in the process.